I dont want to document this feeling

and immortalize this pain

but its chewing me from the inside

its filtering my vision with dread

i can not look at myself with love

i feel disgust when others do and when others dont.

i dont want anyone to read this shit and know what goes on behind my sunken stare

Im in my personal hell

and the fire burns hotter than my mind can fathom

the pain so persistent but inhabitable

yet i posture joy, again.

for your benefit

because what can you do but listen!

i fear that my sorrows are without salve

that they are so crucial to my mode of thought

so that even in a state of objective bliss

i am sad.